a matter of perspective

disclaimer: a lot of this is spouting straight from the heart and the head without much filter...so if you easily offend, check back another day.

ever have someone use or explain a verse, one that you feel you know like the back of your hand, or have at least heard over and over, and the Spirit reveals it to you in a whole new way?
I've had this happen to me often in my walk with Jesus and am so thankful each and every time... its like tasting a sweet morsel and fills you right up.
I often struggle with fear of life's possibilities... something bad could happen to my girls or to Peter, tragedy could strike at any moment in so many different ways, and would I be able to handle it? I am ashamed to admit how often thoughts similar to these run through me. Somehow in my self-absorbed nature, I get a warped feeling that I somehow have a little bit of control over the things that might happen to me.... crazy thoughts like "well just as soon as I ask for a dose of patience, feeling that I need it to grow and mature, God will answer it by giving me a new child, with disabilities and will truly teach me how to be patient.... so maybe if I hold back a little on the whole 'I'm all in Lord', then I'll escape some possible hurts and challenges." I know these thoughts are a little over the edge...but just being brutally honest.
and its not just that, not just the severe error that feeling somehow something I do or don't do or hold back on or let go of will control the circumstances I face... but it also leads straight down a path of "its all about me", even if not intentional, the self-indulgent thinking that the Lord revolves all things around what would best teach me a lesson is a powerful misstep.
Someone mentioned the verse "and at times we are as sheep, led to the slaughter for his name's sake" resounded powerfully in my heart and the light bulb went on. Though nothing changed in the way things work, something changed in my PERSPECTIVE of the way things work, and it made all the difference. To live IS Christ. Its all about Him. Everything happens to bring about the best possible display of Glory unto Him. So whatever happens to me, despite the severity in my eyes, He chose it to happen because at the end of it all, it is what MUST happen to bring Him the MOST glory. So although He truly "works all things for the good of those who love Him" and takes the time to discipline, train, love and mold me, the bottom line is...its all about His glory.
Somehow in my mind, grasping that simple switch in perspective, allows me to truly believe and trust that this is not a performance-based relationship...even though logically I knew it all along, I can grasp with my heart that nothing I feel, do, vocalize, etc. changes the outcome of what He has already determined for His glory. I can rest assured that I can't say or do something in a way that causes Him to bestow torturous circumstances to occur for the sake of a lesson learned. I can truly look at everything that happens, with honest joy that somehow, in His divine plan, this (whatever it happens to be) given circumstance is being used to bring about the highest glory upon Him who is deserving of it all. And what an honor to be a part of that work.

I read this brief portion of an article that summarized my thoughts well:

Generally, the shepherds of Israel were zealous in caring for their sheep. They protected them from danger; led them into green pastures, and beside still waters. They nursed them when bruised or sick. But the final purpose of all this care was that the shepherd would lead his sheep to the slaughter when it suited his purpose. And even so it is with us, for the destination of those whom our Shepherd leads in the paths of righteousness, is death.“Take up your cross and follow me,” said the Master. Taking up a cross symbolizes walking on the road to death. And this is just what it means to follow Jesus. He is our Good Shepherd, but previously he walked in the very same path in which he is now leading us. He was “brought as a lamb to the slaughter,” and we are now following in his steps. Not only do we remain in the narrow way by hearkening to his voice, but we need also to trace his steps, and walk in them.

We should not expect, then, that the paths of righteousness are always paths of pleasantness. True, we have the joy of the Lord while walking in this narrow way. But often the way is difficult. From start to finish, it is a way of sacrifice so complete that it ends in death. Jesus was afflicted and suffered, and he finally died upon the cross. We cannot expect that the narrow way will be easier for us than it was for our Master. But we can endure all things if we keep the thought before us that the way in which we are being led is “for his name’s sake.”

So once again the Spirit has satisfied my sweet-tooth with the delight of Him and has "taken my thoughts captive"...taken hold of something that was reeling in my head, easily headed straight for disastrous thinking,  and turned it into a source of exceptional joy, purpose and excitement............ again.


And my journey of an exchanged life, a Spirit-filled, Spirit-led, Spirit-dependant life, continues.

happy daddy's day!

Celebrating Pete's 5th Fathers Day! I love fathers day... truly, I love it. I am blessed enough to have what I believe is the most amazing, perfectly-suited-for-me, totally awesome, best dad ever... AND I've got that same kinda dad for our girls. What a day to count my blessings and totally love up on them both. Here's a little recap, pic-style:

girls workin on their homemade puzzles and cards for daddy

how cute are these?! our little crafting session turned out great!

of course, must do somethin yummy! carrot cake is one of my dad's and pete's favs so carrot cake cupcakes it is:

daddy with his breakfast in bed, opening cards from his girls :)

putting together his puzzles...

Father's Day lunch at my parents:

 papa putting his puzzle together too:

 and his new hat :)

 what an awesome daddy - completely loved by his girls

 always able to make them laugh

still daddy's little girl:

We also got to spend a little of the evening with gram & poppi and share some of the father's day cupcake love :)

Verses I feel truly embody Peter as a father and ways in which I know the Lord will continue refining him over the years. One thing I know for sure: He was picked and planned as the best dad, perfectly fit to be Ellia's and Remae's daddy and I couldn't be more thankful for such a wonderful partner in our parenting assignment.

Proverbs 22:6 - "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

Ephesians 6:4 - "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Psalm 103:13 - "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him"

Genesis 18:19 - "For I have chosen him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; in order that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him."

happy last-year-in-your-20s birthday to my pete!

Happy happy 29th birthday to my love! Tonight we celebrated daddy's birthday...a nice laid-back night at home with good food and his girls = just what he ordered up. Peter is sooo low maintainance, especially when it comes to birthdays and celebrations, etc. The inner party planner and birthday lover girl inside me automatically jumps to favorite restaurant stops and things to do when birthday time comes around. However... I had to force myself to put that girl aside and do whatever it was the hubs wanted for his birthday... yes, even if that meant dinner and dessert at home and nothing planned :)

I must admit, it was a really fun and relaxing evening celebrating daddy. The girls and I spent the day getting things prepared for him. They made him adorable cards and a special birthday hat that "has to be worn the whole night, daddy!"

If I can't take him somewhere fancy, why not make the meal gourmet and whip out the china...right?! He LOVED his surf & turf dinner complete with his favorite rootbeer and requested carmel white chocolate bars for dessert. we ended the evening with a family movie along with some extra time to tell daddy all the reasons we love and are are so thankful for him.

Thank you Jesus for the best husband, father, love, friend, man and family leader we could ever ask or hope for. I feel so undeserving and so very thankful.

Heres a little look at daddy's 29th birthday:



an unexpected treat

talked the hubs into a quick, easy and yummy dinner out at our fav casual italian spot in uptown, Pasquales. We had a nice, relaxing dinner as a family and headed out. We had gotten through the parking lot almost to our car when a man came sprinting to us. He waved us down and then handed both girls each a $5 bill. He proceeded to tell us how relaxing his dinner was next to us and how we had the most well behaved kids he has ever seen. He said they deserved some ice cream and we should use the money to take them to Graeters for a treat. We said our astonished "thank-yous" and he was off.
We were completely shocked! What a fun and thankful parent moment. We just looked at each other, smiled and said "I guess we should go!" :)
thankful for the blessing of a sweet reminder of how dear and precious my kiddos are from outside eyes- its easy to get lost in the day-to-day-please-stop-fighting-over-toys-be-patient-stop-fussing-please-restate-that-sentence-without-whining stuff. They really are amazingly wonderful girls and all the credit goes straight up to the Giver of everything good.....
everything good.....even carmel ice cream from Graeters :)

adventurous surprise

you'd think this warmer weather and the ability to now get out and do things would be just what the doctor ordered for the winter blues, but for some reason I was still itching to do somethin a little more crazy/exciting.
and so it came to me... how about a little spur-of-the-moment road trip with the girls? i could drive down to florida and surprise my parents! ok, so that's not really "little" but still, it could be fun! plus I LOVE to just drive, especially when its nice out. my moms been fussin about missing the girls, the calendar was empty for the week, a road trip adventure with the girls was certainly something to look forward to and calm that antsy itch, and it would be the perfect surprise! ...enough reasons for me!
Pete and I decided that the more I thought about it, the more I'd probably psych myself out - so if i was gonna do it, I needed to just throw some things together and go.
I armed him with a week of lunches & dinners and a typed-out detailed plan for each day to help him out (I know, you're probably either gagging or feelin thankful your not married to me, but he appreciated it!)
we left after the girls naps around 4:30. I was prepared with a hotel about 10 hrs in, just in case and pete determined for me that 9:30 was roughly my turning point - if I needed/wanted to turn back, that would be the time to do it.
off i went... no turning back. no hotel. 18 hours later I was pulling into their condo. dizzy. exhausted. ready to surprise and then go straight to sleep. that's just what we did. my parents were just getting home from a bike ride to find the girls playing in the yard yelling "hi nana, hi papa!" priceless. they were totally shocked and it made it all worth it..... we'll mostly. ;-)
we spent the next 4 days enjoying a little extra rest in the florida sun, napping and preparing for the trip home. mom decided to join us on the way back (dad just couldn't bear the thought of me making the drive through the night again) so we added an extra girl for our adventurous trip home.
though i could have made it back, some severe storms forced us into a hotel around 5 am and we finished the trip the next morning.

it was SOOO good to be home but as crazy as it was, the girls did AMAZING and I have to say I was a little proud of myself... i'm not quite as old as i sometimes feel. i've still got a little youthful excitement left in there somewhere! :)

a big special thanks to adele and keith urban for joining me for 36 hours up and down I-75 :)



(now wheres that mommy picnic lunch, park and sidewalk chalk that wasn't quite as "exciting" last week?)

on the bittersweet preschool path

can't believe im here.

its official.... preschool looms.
i know moms do it everyday and many even earlier than i am, but the thoughts of preschool have got me on the emotional edge. today i submitted ellia's enrollment forms after much thought, research, visits and prayer... we took a leap of faith to where we felt the Lord clearly leading and submitted the paperwork. Its all in His hands... she's all in His hands. I know, i know, shes not even going yet - I simply turned in her forms, but it definitely opened my eyes to our new reality... coming in August. So bittersweet as I watch my little baby grow into a little lady, about to head off to school (for the next 18ish years) ;)
one things for sure, I'll be holding extra tight this summer. ill be enjoying, even more, each second i get to spend during the day with her, cherishing these times that will "soon-be-a-changin!"
praising the Lord a little more for our little treasure today and the unseen but perfect plan He's got ahead for her.

and trust me.... this won't be the last you hear from me on the preschool topic! :)

shoo gnat, shoo!

Jesus has been doing a bit of tilling in my heart recently. I say tilling because thats exactly how it feels.... you can only imagine if soil had feelings, how little it would actually enjoy being plowed, raked, bulldozed. Fortunately for me and where my faith rests, despite the uneasiness of being turned over and prepared, I cling to the hope of cultivation: being developed for growing and maturing.

The specific area of work has been in affirmation. When I say that word, it doesn't quite seem to grasp the whole picture/concept that Im feeling, but I'll stick with it for lack of a better one. I think being a woman makes this idea a particular struggle and constant battle. (If I slip and say "we", please know I am only pointing my finger to "I").

This issue pops up to me like a really annoying gnat every so often, at some points being more irritating and loud than usual. That annoying gnat is many times the voice of satan, whispering insecurities to draw me down.

I've found myself letting my mind wander away in comparisons of other people, of other moms, of other marriages, of other women of God. For me, the struggle is not with discontentment... I am beyond thankful - as much as I can with my limited perception, I have a pretty good grasp on how amazingly blessed I am. Its more an issue of focus... how often am I focusing on how other people are doing things, and on the level at which I feel I'm currently being affirmed for what I'm doing.

It doesnt take long though... when those thoughts take over, that the Truth I have, acknowledge, and posses tugs at my heart. Well...its been tugging, and I've been listening.

Though not an easy thing to do... I needed to remind myself (once again) about who I am in Christ. The reminder of not only who I am but where my affirmation lies.... exclusively in HIM.

He has me (myself and my marriage and my family) on a very uniquely designed journey that canNOT be compared to anyone elses. And along that journey, He longs to be the sole source of my joy, my hope, my strength, my affirmation.

As He's been drilling this home for me over the last week or so, I thought I'd jot down the not-so-subtle reminders I have been getting. So here are some good reminders to me (especially to look back on whenever that little gnat resurfaces), and for anyone else who needs a little pick-me-up...

first from the devotion I woke up to in Jesus Calling (coincidence? i think not. appropriately timed by the Spirit I think!), followed by a whole host of biblical affirmations I own in Christ:

"Stop Judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role. Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes a mixture of both. I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless. Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places; your own evaluations, or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love. many believers perceive Me as an unpleasable Judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I deid for your sins, so that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation. This is how I see you: radiant in my robe of righteousness. When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to Face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity. Immerse yourself in My loving Presence. Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace."

Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)

“God’s truth – his Word – stands forever.” Isaiah 40:8
“God gives me power when I am worn out and strength when I am weak.” Isaiah 40:29
“God’s principles are perfect. They are entirely worthy of my trust.” Psalm 119:138
“With God in my life, all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
“Jesus keeps pruning me so that I will be even more productive for God.” John 15:2
“The water Jesus gives takes away my thirst altogether.” John 4:14
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God.” Psalm 139:14
“I follow God’s principles because I love him.” John 14:15
“I can never be separated from the love of God.” Romans 8:35-39
“God’s love is made complete in me when I obey his principles.” 1 John 2:5
“As I draw near to God, he draws near to me.” James 4:8
“God’s discipline is always good for me because it means I share in His holiness.” Hebrews 12:10
“I display a new nature because I am a new person, created in God’s likeness – holy and true.” Ephesians 4:24
“The secret is that Christ lives in me and I have assurance of sharing his glory.” Colossians 1:27
“Nothing can separate me from God’s love that is in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:39
“God satisfies me when I am thirsty and fills me with good things when I am hungry.” Psalm 107:9
“I keep God’s words in my heart. They are health to my whole body.” Proverbs 4:20-22
“It is God’s Spirit that gives me eternal life. My human effort accomplishes nothing.” John 6:63
“God is for me so no one can ever be against me.” Romans 8:31
“In God I live and move and exist.” Acts 17:28
“I defeat this evil world by trusting Christ to give me victory.” 1 Peter 5:5
“By God’s grace and through faith in Jesus, I have a full and eternal life.” Ephesians 2:8
“Through prayer, the peace of God guards my heart & mind.” Philippians 4:7
“By God’s grace and through faith in Jesus, I have a full and eternal life.” Ephesians 2:8
“I find strength in the Lord my God.” 1 Samuel 30:6
“God strengthens me because my heart is fully committed to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
“I have rest in my soul because I go to Jesus when I am weary.” Matthew 11:28-29
“Because I have been born again, I will see the Kingdom of God.” John 3:3
“I do not fear because God strengthens me.” Isaiah 41:10
“I am full with the joy of the Lord.” Isaiah 42:10

allergic to water

i can pretty clearly recall the day, long ago... not sure how old i was, but i remember i was standing in our kitchen after playing outside. i asked for a drink and instead of getting something of the deliciously sweet variety, as a kid my age has just gotta have... my parents offered the boring "water" alternative. somehow in my slick little mind, i thought i had contrived the most awesomest idea ever....

i proceeded trying to convince them that i was, indeed, allergic to water.

i don't think that story needs to go much further, but here i am, now 27 and i feel like ive taken a full circle. It sounds almost as silly, not quite, but almost, to hear "you're allergic to the sun."

Im sorry... what???

So heres how it all went down... we were having a wonderful winter-escape to my parent's condo in Venice, FL. We arrive on Friday. Wednesday, we spend a few hours at the beach - I apply sunscreen to everyone else and skip myself. I end up with a slight sunburn. SLIGHT people. I mean, I've had bad sunburns... there were no blisters, no lobsters, this was a "throw some aloe on it for a couple days and move on" sunburn. Friday I go out to play tennis...as I start sweating, I start itching. By the time we load back into the car and I had cooled down, the itching/burning become uncontrollable. To spare you some of the details... I basically writhed in pain and severe itching for the following 72 hours+ as we tried everything from sprays and creams to oatmeal baths and tea bags...with no relief. I was locked in a room for the remainder of the vacaction, then I humiliatingly (yes, its a word now) had to walk through airports, ride a plane home and face the bitter cold ohio again, all with a make-shift-t-shirt-tube-top-thingy so nothing would touch my back or chest. YIKES!

So the urgent care and a dermatologist confirmed it... I had an allergic reaction to the sun. There it is. I only survived the madness because of some heaven-sent cream we found to finally take away the itch.

Well its Friday... a week has passed... I'm going to survive, I haven't gone completely insane, I'm almost healed up, barely itching anymore, finally wearing a sweatshirt and actually got to hold my baby this morning!

What an ordeal.

All this to say... I learned a lot in this last week. Well maybe things I already knew, so I should say I was reminded of a lot in this last week. 3 things imparticular:

1). God is my strength and my refuge, an ever-present help in trouble - Psalm 46:1. I found myself reciting this verse over and over to get me through the minutes/hours/days.

2). I have some really sweet friends. Friends who I know will pray when I ask. Friends who filled the week up bringing us dinners, groceries, etc. I was a little overwhelmed with suprise and thanks at their love and care for me.

3). my husband is AMAZING. he just took over mr. mom and mr. dad and mr. dr. as he packed us up from vacation, got us home, took care of basically everything for a week, including one exceptionally needy wife. lets just say, i wouldn't have made it out very nice or normal had it not been for him.

Sometimes it takes strange happenings for the reminder of God's love to truly sink-in. I can now say I'm actually quite thankful for all this as it gave me week of totally relying on my Savior to get through each day, a week of love and unexpected encouragement from friends, a week of seeing my rock and love in action as he served me and our family, and a week of not taking the little things for granted - like holding your kids when they cry, doing the dishes, unpacking from a trip, sleep, clothes, and simply resting on your back in a chair.

so here i am: thankful, recharged, ready to get back to just doin life and definitely ready to workout again!